Friday, April 6, 2012

The Fire Ant Analogy

I have several false identities that I use at online newspaper sites when I'm trolling. If my time is otherwise unoccupied, I might spend a few minutes posting comments on news features, letters to the editor, or blog entries. The only reason I comment is to provoke negative responses from as many right-wing assholes as possible. I enjoy that as much as I enjoy knocking down fire ant mounds.

In Texas, conservatives are like fire ants... they're everywhere you look, and they're a goddamned nuisance. They serve no discernible useful purpose, and they cause a lot of fucking damage if they aren't controlled. The difference between conservative Republicans and fire ants is that I can poison the ants without being arrested.

When killing off a fire ant colony isn't feasible, such as while I'm out walking, I try to kick the shit out of any mounds I pass on the sidewalk. It pisses the ants off and definitely disrupts their routine. Bottom line: Fire ants are like Republicans -- if you can't exterminate 'em, you can at least irritate them for a little while.

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Dedicated to Jim Ferguson. If you don't know who Jim Ferguson is, you (a) haven't seen The Missouri Breaks, or (b) have an inadequate ability to fully assimilate movie trivia.