Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Field Theories

The field of candidates for the Republican nomination has not dwindled at the rate that I expected last summer. So far, only Tim Pawlenty has actually dropped out of the race after officially joining it. Hucklebuck and Wondermom decided to stick with their day jobs as TV entertainers. The big boy from NJ checked to the raiser, then folded.

There are two Republicans running who would probably make good presidents: Mittenful and Huntsman. Willard has the steady support of roughly 25-26 percent of Republicans. Huntsman, my personal choice for the nomination, is barely making a blip on the radar screen.

At least 70 percent of Republicans want the next president to be Sugar Cain, Ricky Retardo, Newter, the Other Rick, Moochele, or Granddaddy Ron. Did I leave anyone out ? Don't their preferences tell us everything we really need to know about typical Republican voters ?

No sane person can imagine Santorum, Bachmann or Paul as the nominee, and they're apparently only hanging around for the free box lunches. If Republicans weren't totally fucked up, Pie Daddy would also be in that group. How many times does Perry have to make a goddamned ass out of himself on TV before his meltdown is complete ? Gingrich, the serial adulterer, is rumored to be making a mini-comeback and should collect the dividends if Pie Daddy finally sees the handwriting on the wall and quits.

Of the entire gang of miscreants, the only one who looks like a realistic threat to unseat the incumbent is Willard Romney. Are there any recorded instances of a Republican winning a presidential election when 7 out of 10 voters in his party don't like him ? I imagine Obama's staffers are wondering if they'll have a chance to find out.

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Dedicated to Jim Ferguson. If you don't know who Jim Ferguson is, you (a) haven't seen The Missouri Breaks, or (b) have an inadequate ability to fully assimilate movie trivia.