Pensights: A Workshop for an Idle Mind

The Sane One

2012-02-02T19:35:00.001-06:00

There's an interesting column by Jonathan Alter in Bloomberg News today. The conventional wisdom is that the longer the Georgia cracker hangs around in the GOP primaries, the better things will work out for Obama in November. Presumably, Gingrene will sense that this is his last shot at the Oval Office and he'll be desperate in his attacks on Willard.

Alter makes a reasonable point that the effect of Gingrene's mud-slinging will probably be to make Willard look like the sane, sensible guy and when he makes his inevitable course correction toward the center of the road after winning the nomination, he'll be a more plausible moderate after being condemned as one by the right-wing lunatic. That'll help him win swing voter support and probably the presidency. Anyway, it's another possibility to think about.

Tea Time

2012-01-28T18:21:00.005-06:00

It's still January. The GOP primaries are barely underway, and the candidates described as Tea Party favorites are nowhere to be found. The Snow Bunny wisely decided to sit out this race and rake in the kale as a TV talking head. Sugar Cain, Moochele Bachmann, and El Perrito went down in a matter of days -- bang, bang, bang, just like that.

There's possibly a lesson here about the Tea Party, maybe more than one. First, when it comes to choosing favorite candidates, the Tea people are clueless assholes. The congressmen they helped elect in 2010 are a bunch of unqualified fumble-fucks who would destroy the country if there weren't a few grownups around to tell them they can't have candy before supper.

Furthermore, the Tea Party apparently exerts minimal influence in Republican Party politics at the national level. They do pretty well in small elections, like those for House seats. In November 2010, Tea Party pick Bachmann ran in the most conservative district in Minnesota, the 6th district. She spent nearly 9 million dollars on her campaign, and received about 160,000 votes (53 percent). The bimbo let success go to her head, and decided she was ready for the White House. The Tea Party wasn't strong enough to get her there... or Herman or Rick either, for that matter.

The Tea Party people are always talking about taking back their country. Those assholes aren't a majority in America -- they aren't even a majority in the GOP. Fuck 'em.

Failure, Part I

2012-01-24T23:38:00.001-06:00

If I wasn't so fucking disgusted, I'd laugh out loud whenever some Republican asshole claims that Obama has failed to unite the country. When those assholes talk about uniting America, they mean that Obama should forget he won the 2008 election fairly decisively, that he should give the Republicans 100 percent of what they want, and 99 percent of what they think they want.

The truth is, Obama has been a disappointment in many respects, mainly because he kept trying to make peace with congressional GOPers, offer a few reasonable compromises, and fiddled around for days when circumstances called for a swift knee to their groins and a razor slash to their throats.

Newtie and the Blowfish, Part 4

2012-01-20T00:31:00.005-06:00

Legend has it that the winner of the South Carolina GOP primary always goes on to win the party's nomination. It's part of the conventional wisdom that isn't exactly true, but some people believe it. Newtie Gingrich is one of them, and his ego, always inflated, is really puffed up because the polls are showing he has a real shot at winning on Saturday.

Newtie's ego is an issue because his self-esteem is starting to seem pathological. The fat turd has the potential to be the worst example of a loose cannon to ever occupy the White House. He brags about his grandiose ideas, most of which revolve around his plans to exercise unrestrained power as president.

Then there's the matter of his wife, the woman he was fucking while married to his second wife, the woman he was fucking while married to his first wife (the one with cancer). If Newt wins in November, his current wife will be America's Third Lady.

There are a lot of Republican assholes who list gay marriage, abortion and school prayer as three of the top four political issues. The dumbasses call themselves "values voters." If Newtie wins in November, I don't want to hear any more of their fucking crap about the sanctity of marriage and the preservation of the family unit.

The South Carolina Game

2012-01-18T18:59:00.006-06:00

In South Carolina, the clock is running in the fourth quarter and Newtered, once trailing the Romney juggernaut by three scores, now needs only a touchdown and a 2-point conversion to tie and send the game into overtime. Can he pull this one out with an efficient two-minute drill, or is he just another turnover waiting to happen ?

Gingrich is a master of hyperbole, and has been predicting the death of conservatism if Romney wins the South Carolina primary. He's also a dangerous egomaniac, predicting that if he wins, it will change history -- he'll triumph in November and immediately begin the process of reshaping America to suit his own little fantasies.

Republicans are most dangerous when they're marching in lockstep, sweeping across the landscape and crushing everything under their boots. The longer they remain fragmented, the better for the country. I haven't been especially impressed with Obama, and I'm not sure he deserves a second term -- but he still looks like a safer bet than any Republican in the race. Huntsman had promise, but when he left, he took all the good silverware with him. Now, the best of a bad bunch is Romney. Assuming Willard has the balls to slam the door on the evangelunicals after his election, he might be tolerable as president. I can't say the same for Gingrich or Sanitorium, either of whom would be a disaster combined with GOP congressional majorities.

The best scenario at this point is for Romney to win the nomination after a long, brutal struggle. Newter, S-Rick, and Pappy need to win enough primary support to encourage them to hang around and keep things in chaos... but not enough to take the nomination. P-Rick needs to finish out his term as governor, then look for work as a TV evangelist. In November, Obama faces off against a wounded Romney, who has at best the enthusiastic support of maybe 40 percent of GOP voters. Flip a coin and call it, heads or tails.

Dawn of the Dead

2012-01-12T12:28:00.005-06:00

Perry does his zombie impression for one of his fans as he awaits his inevitable defeat in the next primary. Maybe his real future lies in low budget horror movies.

Mitt Math

2012-01-08T19:08:00.008-06:00

Trying to predict the results of a national election ten months before the voting is stupid, but I've still been trying to sort out the possibilities.

Like most people, I think Obama will have a hard time winning in November. Every Republican hates him, and he's disappointed most Democrats by continuing to try crawling into bed with Republicans in Congress long after it was clear they hated his fucking guts. My crystal ball as of today (January 8th) tells me that Obama can only win if (a) the economy continues its recent pattern of incremental improvement, and (b) the GOP nominee is someone that drives nearly all the independents so crazy that they decide to stick with the devil they know. I think both conditions must exist for Obama to have a chance in the Electoral College.

Here's where Mitt Math comes in. There are two things that we know are absolutely true. First, Republicans don't fall in love; they fall in line. Second, Republicans as a rule hate Ns even more than they hate Mormons. I live among Texas Republicans of the yahoo variety, and have witnessed both of these truths as part of my lifetime of experience.

Right now, Perry is sucking hind tit, barely ahead of Huntsman. There are still four Republicans actually in the race -- Willard, Pappy, the Newt, and S-Rick -- but Gingrich is fading and Pappy is too weird in too many ways to win a single primary. Willard is projected to win New Hampshire, and early polls show he might even win South Carolina. If he does, that blows the last remaining reason for Santorum's existence out of the water -- South Carolina is supposed to be in the same class as Mississippi and Alabama as a bastion of cultural conservatism (evangelunacy), and religious crazies should be S-Rick's natural constituency.

So let's say Mitt fights his way through and eventually wins the GOP nomination. He will have been forced to steer hard to the right to win states like South Carolina, but after the convention, when everyone has signed on the dotted line, he won't be dragging around a loose cannon like Palin as his running mate. My gut feeling is that pragmatic Mitt will replace pandering Mitt, and he'll make course corrections toward the center. He'll get away with it because Republicans hate the N even more than they hate the Mormon. It'll be too late to rescind the nomination, so the voters will fall in line as they always do. Given a choice between moderate Mitt and Obama, the independents switch back to the (R) column on the ballot. Obama's looking for work a year from now.

That's why I'll be watching the results in South Carolina. If Santorum really does emerge as the Anybody But Romney choice and wins the nomination, Obama still has money in the game. That'll be important if the GOP holds their House majority and takes over the Senate.

The Other Rick

2012-01-05T19:15:00.005-06:00

Rick Santorum, henceforth known as S-Rick to distinguish him from P-Rick, is no longer The Other Rick. Based on his showing in Iowa, he's now Big Rick, and Perry is The Other Rick. It looks like P-Rick will stay in the race indefinitely, since he realized that he can be out cruising the highways for months at a time, and nobody in Texas misses his sorry ass.

Santorum is one of those weird religious zealots who believe that abortion, school prayer and gay marriage are the most important issues facing America today. He runs as a "family values" candidate, meaning his goal is to make his particular religious beliefs the law of the land. As a family values guy, he appeals to the 50 percent of Republicans who are hardcore evangelunicals and dominate the party even more than the tea people. The big wheels in the religious right-wing hierarchy are getting together to work out a plan to consolidate behind an anti-Romney candidate. As a Mormon, Mitts is viewed as a member of a Satanic cult and can never be allowed near the presidency lest he convert America to his evil ways.

It has been easy to ignore S-Rick since he's spent most of the campaign thus far barely casting a shadow while the publicity went to Bachmann, Perrito, Sugar Cain and Gingrich. Now he's starting to accumulate a little clout because he's just as fanatical as Bachmann (without appearing insane) and Perrito (but able to express an articulate thought). The big cheeses in the evangelunacy visualize a large majority of Americans fighting for spots at the head of the line so they can vote for this asshole.

One of the bedrock principles of my political philosophy is separation of church and state. I don't begrudge the right of religious people to believe any nonsense they choose to believe, but keep it in church and keep it out of my face. If the fucking evangelunicals are right, and if S-Rick wins the GOP nomination and subsequently the White House, he'll be in position to move the nation toward the Christian theocracy that his supporters dream about. That sucks.

Dreamer

2012-01-03T15:02:00.001-06:00

"When I get THIS big, I wanna be like Superman. Or like maybe the president or somethin' like that."

Who's ahead today ?

2011-12-31T23:59:00.002-06:00

Republicans in Iowa are starting to remind me of my late grandmother, who never wanted any of her grandchildren to be disappointed or feel left out and therefore tried to indulge every wish despite any personal hardship that might result.

Since there's nothing else happening these days, we get regular news reports on the public opinion polls of Iowa voters, as if the preferences of those bible-thumping dipshits were somehow consequential. They're not, but the polls prove that in Iowa, every candidate gets an ice cream cone. At various points, Moochele, Perrito, Sugar Cain, Newter, and Pappy Ron Paul have all surged to the front of the line, usually with the feverish support of 25 percent of those polled. The only one who's been unable to break out for a few days is Huntsman, but he's reasonable, intelligent, and honest and therefore can't be considered a genuine Republican. Even Mittens has won fairly steady support. And now, so that he won't feel bad, The Other Rick is finally getting his moment in the spotlight.

Tomorrow is the first day of a new year, and I'm not optimistic that 2012 will be a significant improvement over 2011. The one good thing that's virtually certain is that in a few months, most of the worthless assholes will be sent crawling back into the dark corners like whipped dogs.

A reason for all things

2011-12-14T11:17:00.001-06:00

Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry both claim that God called on them to run for president. So did the unlamented Herman (Sugar) Cain. I have strong doubts that God wanted any of them to be president, but he may have wanted them in the race so that Americans could feel a sense of relief when Newt Gingrich won the nomination.

10 Grand

2011-12-11T19:36:00.008-06:00

Last night while Mrs. bee was babysitting at our daughter's house, I was channel surfing, trying to find something worth watching on TV. I landed on ABC just in time to see El Perrito and Mittenful going after each other during a GOP debate held in Iowa. Perrito was running through his usual boring condemnation of "Obamacare" and was trying to link Mittens to socialized medicine. By now, we've either heard or read about this line of attack approximately a thousand times, and I was ready to press the button on the remote when I heard Mittens telling Perrito he was a lying, worthless piece of shit. He didn't use those words, though -- he challenged Perrito to a friendly bet instead. Something along the lines of 10,000 dollars that such-and-such statement wasn't in a book he'd written, despite the bogus accusations of lying motherfucker Ricky Perry. I yawned and switched to a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Today, I was scanning various political blogs to make sure the world didn't come to an end while I was sleeping, and discovered that Romney's tongue-in-cheek offer of a 10,000 dollar wager is the political gaffe of the century, proves he's out of touch with the reality of life among the proles, and effectively ended his candidacy. Wow -- history was made, the fate of the nation shifted radically, and by sheer coincidence, I witnessed the whole thing.

There's a large segment of the American population that needs to seriously consider getting a life and stop taking trivial shit so seriously.

Like War and Peace

2011-12-05T18:12:00.003-06:00

Now that Newter is starting to firm up as the GOP nominee, some Washington Democrats say they're feeling pretty good about it. Nancy Pelosi says there are about a thousand pages of dirt on Newt dating back to the House ethics investigations of his official misconduct. That would put the dirt on Gingrich in a class with War and Peace or Gone With The Wind in terms of printed pages, and maybe even as interesting reading. Of course the slime won't bother Republicans... we've already established they'll support Newt up to the point that videos showing him having sex with a human corpse pop up, and even that might be okay with them if it's a female corpse. On the other hand, hourly reminders of Newt's corruption might turn off enough independents to keep his fat ass out of the White House.

Getting down to the newt-cuttin'

2011-11-30T22:03:00.005-06:00

There's growing consensus on political blogs that we should start taking Newter seriously as a candidate (and possibly the next president). This seemed impossible to imagine for me as recently as a few months ago, but people who blog for reasons other than to kill time are convincing me that I was wrong. Real wrong.

Since the beginning of the 2012 presidential election campaign, I thought Mittenful was the Republican most likely to beat Obama, assuming he could win the nomination. My personal preference was Huntsman, mainly because he'd served in Obama's administration and seemed thoughtful and intelligent (unlike all the other fuckwads running). I knew, though, that Huntsman was just killing time, the way I'm killing time as I type this. Republicans aren't looking for thoughtful and intelligent this year.

I assumed if Perrito got into the race, he'd be the top challenger to Mittens and might even win the hearts of enough typical GOP yahoos to steal the nomination. I believed that -- until his fuckups started piling up so rapidly that even rubes tuned him out.

I can't take Pie Daddy seriously because I believe Obama will probably be our last black president for awhile, and I'm still amazed that he has any traction at all in his party. I put Sugar Cain in the same category as The Other Rick, Pappy Ron Paul, and Moochele: people who are in the race because their egos made them delusional. I didn't assign Newter a grade that would equal Bachmann's (an F minus), but assumed his history of cheating on his wives would keep him in the middle of the pack at best.

The success of Pie Daddy and Newter proves that Republicans despise Mormon Mitt and don't really give a shit about the morality of other Republicans. All that fucking crap about the sanctity of marriage and family values ? Just more of their ridiculous bullshit.

Newt News

2011-11-23T18:08:00.004-06:00

In the most recent debate, Newtie told his backup group, the Blowfish, that he'd go out on a limb by taking a reasonable, sensible, even compassionate position on the issue of illegal immigrants. Occasions when Newtie says something with which I can remotely agree are rare, but this was one of them. The latest speculation is that being sane and sensible will diminish his support among the tea people and other bottom-feeding scum who register to vote Republican, and if the past twenty years are an indication, maybe it will. On the other hand, if Newtie says things that seem rational and compassionate often enough, and gets away with it, he may be motivated to become a better president than we have any right to expect.

Desperation

2011-11-19T18:46:00.003-06:00

You know things are tough in the conservative evangelunical community when they need somebody like Newt Gingrich to stick up for them. Newter is a poster boy for at least half of the deadly sins, and that isn't even taking political corruption into account. The best decision Romney and Huntsman have made lately is the one to skip this fucking dog-and-pony show in Des Moines, Iowa.

Sex Machine

2011-11-16T19:21:00.004-06:00

What else can I say ? This dude is just a hunk, a hunk of burnin' love... a hunk, a hunk of burnin' love...

Ooo, ooo, ooo, he feels his temperature risin'...

Field Theories

2011-11-09T23:27:00.009-06:00

The field of candidates for the Republican nomination has not dwindled at the rate that I expected last summer. So far, only Tim Pawlenty has actually dropped out of the race after officially joining it. Hucklebuck and Wondermom decided to stick with their day jobs as TV entertainers. The big boy from NJ checked to the raiser, then folded.

There are two Republicans running who would probably make good presidents: Mittenful and Huntsman. Willard has the steady support of roughly 25-26 percent of Republicans. Huntsman, my personal choice for the nomination, is barely making a blip on the radar screen.

At least 70 percent of Republicans want the next president to be Sugar Cain, Ricky Retardo, Newter, the Other Rick, Moochele, or Granddaddy Ron. Did I leave anyone out ? Don't their preferences tell us everything we really need to know about typical Republican voters ?

No sane person can imagine Santorum, Bachmann or Paul as the nominee, and they're apparently only hanging around for the free box lunches. If Republicans weren't totally fucked up, Pie Daddy would also be in that group. How many times does Perry have to make a goddamned ass out of himself on TV before his meltdown is complete ? Gingrich, the serial adulterer, is rumored to be making a mini-comeback and should collect the dividends if Pie Daddy finally sees the handwriting on the wall and quits.

Of the entire gang of miscreants, the only one who looks like a realistic threat to unseat the incumbent is Willard Romney. Are there any recorded instances of a Republican winning a presidential election when 7 out of 10 voters in his party don't like him ? I imagine Obama's staffers are wondering if they'll have a chance to find out.

Election Day

2011-11-08T08:54:00.000-06:00

Since I was up early anyway, I decided to get my voting finished at the beginning of the day instead of the end. I was curious about the effect of the new voter ID requirements on the process -- would it slow things down or create other hassles ? As it turned out, no one asked to see any ID other than my voter registration card, and I was in and out of the polling place in less than eight minutes.

It's Tuesday's WTF

2011-11-01T15:00:00.007-05:00

USA Today's report on the latest Sugar Cain news raises at least two questions, and will probably raise more if I stop long enough to think much about it.

Pizza Daddy says he makes a distinction between a settlement and an agreement. This sounds like the kind of bullshit I'd expect from Bill Clinton. Either way, if you're being falsely accused, why reach ANY kind of financial arrangement ?

Second question: Exact same situation, but substitute Barack Obama for Herman Cain. Are the right-wingers making excuses about racism, or looking for a rope ?

Added 12:06 pm, Wednesday:

Third question: If the cold, hard facts disproved the harassment allegation, wouldn't a sharp businessman like Pie Daddy have gotten them out immediately instead of pretending he didn't remember anything ?

Football Insanity

2011-10-29T22:07:00.001-05:00

College football seems to get crazier and less predictable every week this season. The latest example involves Iowa State, who just defeated Texas Tech 41-7. The red raiders knocked off Oklahoma last week, and Oklahoma blew out Kansas State this afternoon.

The Aggies beat Iowa State, who beat Texas Tech, who beat Oklahoma, who beat Kansas State. If the college football universe operated on a logical basis, I could predict that Texas A&M, after beating both ISU and Texas Tech, would also be able to beat Oklahoma and Kansas State. Unfortunately, things don't work that way.

Answered Prayers

2011-10-27T23:42:00.001-05:00

WTF political news for Tuesday

2011-10-25T23:30:00.007-05:00

Around the blogosphere:

A recent poll shows pizza guy leading the pack, with Romney close behind and Perrito way down in fifth place behind Newter and Grandad Ron Paul, but still ahead of the vanishing lady, Michele Bachmann. Perrito is pulling single digit support. Among GOP tea people, the godfather of pies is the numero uno choice, which makes perfect sense. Those fucking lunatics believe the way to improve the government is to pack it with people who have no government experience and no apparent understanding of how American politics are supposed to work. That's a perfect description of pizza dude. Perrito is a career politician, and even though his time in office has been spent in Texas, I guess the tea people believe he has too much experience to be effective.

Meanwhile, Perrito is still spending most of his time on camera going after Mittenful. Someone needs to tell him his real problem is the pie guy.

Football 2011: Week Seven

2011-10-22T12:53:00.004-05:00

In about two hours, the Aggies will play football in Ames, Iowa on ABC. Strange as it seems, the game versus Iowa State falls into the must-win category. Before the season began, my bro and I were discussing expectations for Texas A&M in 2011, and we agreed they should match last year's 9-3 regular season record at a minimum, and preferably improve it by at least one win. At 4-2, the Aggies must run the table to finish 10-2, which seems unlikely with remaining games at Oklahoma and at Kansas State, not to mention possible problem games at Kyle Field against Missouri and the longhorns. If TAMU goes 6-0 over the second half of the season, they'll have earned the Top Ten ranking they started with in August. But if the season is going to be acceptable, the Aggies have to win every game they're supposed to win, and that makes Iowa State a must-win game.

Added 4:18 pm, same day: Halftime score is Aggies 20 Iowa State 7. After four straight games against high-octane teams (Oklahoma State, Arkansas, Texas Tech, and Baylor), it shouldn't have surprised me that the Aggies looked like they were just going through the motions for most of the first half. ISU's first offensive play was a pass that was tipped and intercepted, and it seemed like the Aggies would jump out to a quick 7-0 lead. They wound up settling for a short FG instead, and actually trailed 7-3 at one point. Maybe they'll pump it up a few notches in the third quarter. They'd better.

Added 6:06 pm: Final score Aggies 33 Iowa State 17. It was a 13-10 game in the second half, and TAMU was never able to exercise the degree of domination I wanted to see. They finally stopped Iowa State about a yard short on 4th down and 18 to go, took over with just under four minutes to play, and were able to run out the clock. Whew... it's a win and in the final analysis that's all that matters.

Added 11:28 pm: One of the games I planned to watch tonight was Texas Tech at Oklahoma at 7:00 pm. I expected to relax and enjoy watching the sooners give the sand fleas a first-class ass whipping. Unfortunately, at 7:00 it was raining cats and dogs in Norman and the kickoff was moved back an hour or more, so I watched an old Edward G. Robinson movie on TCM instead. After the movie, I turned on the OU game to see how bad the rout was, and discovered that the fleas had been dishing out the punishment and led 24-7 at the half. I watched part of the third quarter, and it was 31-14 when I decided to call it quits. This has been one strange fucking season so far.

Same Old, Same Old...

2011-10-17T13:53:00.002-05:00

Everybody running for president in 2012 has a plan that will create jobs, or so they keep telling us. Different day, same shit.

The next president will be Obama, Mittenful or Perrito. Their plans are the only ones worth wasting time discussing. The godfather of pizza is trying to pass off dog turds as a pepperoni and anchovies special with his 9-9-9 scam. How fucking dumb does he think Americans are ?

Surging ? On paper, maybe.

2011-10-13T10:11:00.004-05:00

The latest NBC/WSJ poll shows that the pizza guy is the newest frontrunner in the race for the 2012 Republican nomination. According to reports, he has the support of 27 percent of prospective Republican primary voters, leading runner-up Mittenful by about four points and Perrito by eleven.

My theory is that Herman will never win the party's nomination, much less the presidency. Based on personal observation, I think there are significant numbers of Republican yahoos who hate the N in the White House, but don't want to be accused of bigotry. Telling a pollster that they'll vote for Herman Cain helps them feel better about themselves: "See, this proves I'm not really a racist. I hate Obama because of his far-left ideas, not because he's a N."

The pizza guy understands marketing strategies, and knows there's a demand in the Republican party for blacks who advocate a radical right-wing agenda. Clarence, Condi , now Cain. All have names that start with C as in Conservative. Colin would still be in the group if he'd been radical enough.

Herman's problem is that people who are actually willing to cast votes for a black candidate in a national election are probably not going to choose someone with his political experience and philosophy. Maybe America will prove me wrong, but I doubt it. Still, Herman can ride the tide and enjoy it while it lasts.

Spineless

2011-10-09T16:57:00.004-05:00

It was just a matter of time until Romney's religious beliefs became an issue in the GOP primary and now they have, according to an AP article. Robert Jeffress of the First Baptist Church in Dallas and Bryan Fischer of American Family Association attended the Values Voter Summit and managed to get anti-Mormon bigotry into the discussion. According to the AP, Jeffress introduced Perry and later told the press that unlike Perrito, Romney's not a Christian.

This could've been an excellent opportunity for Perrito to rise to the occasion and take the issue off the table with a bold public statement, but that would've required some intestinal fortitude -- and Perrito is a gutless weakling who even tries to avoid taking questions from the press.

Passing the smell test

2011-10-06T19:47:00.004-05:00

Maybe things are looking up. An article in Salon says that Republican opinion leaders like Sean Hannity seem to realize their field of candidates for 2012 is pretty much set, and no ideal water-walker will emerge at the last second. In other words, it's time to get with the fucking program and make do with whatever's available. So Hannity is starting to sell the idea to the Fox News viewership that even though Mittenful isn't the perfect conservative standard-bearer, he's good enough.

There's one thing that's consistent about the behavior of Republicans: they're like sheep searching for someone to flock around, and conservative talking heads are like Australian shepherd dogs, heading off strays and keeping everything moving in the right direction. The nation needs its wingnuts to forget about Perrito, Bachmann, Palin and the other psychos and gather around Romney.

Peanutting

2011-09-30T12:18:00.002-05:00

Good idea, Charlie. As I always say -- when in doubt, cover all your bases.

Epic Fail

2011-09-24T21:14:00.009-05:00

About halfway through my post-game three mile walk, the song Half Heaven, Half Heartache by Gene Pitney started playing on the Walkman clipped to my belt. As I listened I thought, "Well, that sure sums up that piece of shit."

The Aggies played Oklahoma State at Kyle Field today. The community had been buzzing all week anticipating the game, since it would match two Top Ten teams, OSU at number 7 and Texas A&M at number 8. The game would be shown on network TV, with a crowd of about 90,000 expected to attend in person. Big time college football. The prognosticators predicted a high-scoring offensive shootout, and the oddsmakers settled on the Aggies as the favorite by about four points.

The first half was basically all TAMU, with the offense clicking and the defense controlling the game. I was starting to believe that maybe the Aggies were really Top Ten material after all.

The first indication that things weren't all lollipops and moonbeams came with less than two minutes remaining in the first half, the Aggies leading 20-3 and kicking off. The way the defense had been functioning, I was sure that would be the score to begin the third quarter.

The kick sailed into the end zone for a touchback... but wait, there's a flag on the play. Against the kicking team, five yard penalty, re-kick. My immediate thought was, "Shit, that's the kind of sloppy mistake that's been biting the Aggies in the ass for a decade."

Sure enough, the second kick only reached the five, and the return man easily juked the coverage and outran everybody in a maroon shirt for a 95-yard touchdown. Motherfucker... that 17-point lead was just cut to ten points because of a stupid penalty.

But wait again. There's another flag on the play, this one against the Cowboys. Bring it back. Well, I thought, the mistakes are starting to even out and if they do, the Aggies should win.

That happy illusion lasted until the opening kickoff to begin the second half. From that moment on, Oklahoma State dominated the game offensively and defensively, and the Aggies shot themselves in the foot, the ass, and gave the better team a lot of help they probably didn't need to win. At 30-20, it was all over, although the Aggies did get a late TD and one last shot at overtime -- that flamed out with their fourth turnover of the half. A rub-it-in safety on the final play made the score 30-29, like the game had been a nail-biter. In reality though, the only thing keeping it close was an occasional flub by the Okies, such as their hotdogging receiver coasting untouched for an easy score, but instead fumbling the ball into the end zone for a touchback.

Shortly after the final gun, my oldest grandson, in 2nd grade and wise beyond his years, said, "We just wasted four hours." I wanted to grab him and hug him, but I didn't. I simply replied, "You got that right."

Minority voters

2011-09-15T18:48:00.000-05:00

Salon has an interesting feature about Republican support for the tea party movement. According to a recent CNN poll, fewer than fifty percent of Republicans identify themselves as tea people. For discussion's sake, I'll assume that there are no Democratic tea people, and that Republicans and independents who lean strongly Republican make up about 48 percent of the voting population. A little simple math indicates that roughly 24 percent of voters identify themselves as tea partiers, and it would probably be a stretch to get the number up to thirty percent. It's a crying shame that a minority like that can exert so much influence in matters of government policy, and tells me the Democrats need to grow a pair and take those motherfuckers on once and for all.

Reagan fantasies

2011-09-08T23:47:00.001-05:00

Been reading about the Republican candidate debate yesterday, which was held at the Ronald Reagan presidential library in California. The Rs love their Reagan, and it seems like every Republican running for office pretends to be the New Reagan. Too bad they can't just re-animate the old Reagan -- but of course, he would then be a zombie and Woody Harrelson would probably blow his head off with a sawed-off shotgun.

Poor Michele

2011-09-01T23:54:00.001-05:00

Talking Points Memo cites a Fox News poll showing that new GOP frontrunner Perrito has claimed the lead in the race by siphoning off Bachmann's support. It now appears that Perrito has the ultra-hardcore religious fanatic vote nearly all to himself. Another one bites the dust.

Gospel according to Paul

2011-08-28T17:59:00.001-05:00

Pensito Review discusses Ron Paul's opinion of FEMA and his longing for the good old days of 1900. It's probably for the best that this fucking geezer has absolutely no chance to ever serve as president.

Agenda

2011-08-23T09:32:00.000-05:00

Wickham's column in USA Today this morning begins to peel the onion where El Perrito's political agenda is concerned. The sooner the news media stops drooling over that dipshit and starts digging into his record, the better off the country will be.

Old time religion

2011-08-17T19:23:00.000-05:00

El Perrito reminds me a lot of Henry Gondorff, the Paul Newman character in The Sting. He's a polished grifter, and he knows exactly how to keep the marks coming back for more. He's memorized Chapter I of the political grifter's textbook, which explains the easiest way to fleece the rubes over and over again is to put on outrageous displays of public piety -- quote the Bible regularly and convince 'em you're doing the lord's work. The dumbest ones will fall for it every time because they believe in freedom of religion.

Conservative positions on religious freedom are remarkably similar to their positions on freedom of speech. Their level of tolerance varies depending on the religion or the speech, or whoever is practicing the religion or trying to speak freely. Once I understood that point, everything else fell into place.

Cover Girl

2011-08-09T00:05:00.001-05:00

This cover shot of Michele is apparently controversial among the Jim Bob contingent. Their gripe is that the picture makes her look insane. Well ? Anyway, I've seen her when she looks a lot nuttier than she does here.

Wait, I mean... no, wait, I mean...

2011-07-29T16:53:00.002-05:00

El Perrito made a statement on the record that New York should be able to permit gay marriage... he ain't got no use fer it hisself, but it be a states rights issue or some durn fool thing. Then, during the night he remembered he was running for president and that Michele Bachmann would use his stated position to kick his sorry ass right out of Iowa and every other primary. So Perrito now wants to clarify that what he really meant was...

Middle of the pack ?

2011-07-20T22:43:00.001-05:00

According to an early preseason media poll, media people who cover the Big 12 conference want to pencil Texas in at the number five slot. That's fifth place in a ten-team league, the outdated name notwithstanding. Oklahoma and TAMU are picked to finish ahead of the horns, but the horns are still ahead of Baylor. I'd enjoy seeing Texas struggle for several consecutive seasons, but I've been around long enough to know that sports writer predictions usually aren't worth jack shit.

Rasmussen Polls

2011-07-17T20:29:00.004-05:00

For the past few years, I've noticed that right-wingers love to throw out the findings of the Rasmussen poll as proof that Americans are delighted with the conservative agenda. I did a little quick research and learned the poll uses a likely-voter profile that tends to favor Republicans based on various demographic assumptions. At any rate, I usually take Rasmussen results with a grain of salt since they'll almost always be out of line with other polls like Gallup, Pew Research, etc.

This afternoon the phone rang, and the caller ID window showed area code 214 with WIRELESS CALL. Against my better judgment, I answered and an automated voice response explained that the Rasmussen polling service was conducting a nationwide survey and would appreciate my participation. I thought, "Aw, what the fuck. Why not ?"

I was then prompted to reply to a series of questions that situated me in a demographic group based on age, sex, income, party affiliation, number of dependent children at home, and so on. The poll was on economic issues, with a long list of questions apparently intended to measure my anxiety level. For example:

In the next thirty days, do you expect to pay more for food and gasoline, less, or about the same as this month ? Press one for more, two for less, or three for about the same.

Or:

Do you think the economy is improving, getting worse, or staying the same ? Press one for getting worse, etc.

This went on for maybe six to eight minutes, although it seemed longer. I'm happy to say that I was able to answer each question honestly, and my responses were probably diametrically opposed to those of your typical tea party voter. I'll be watching the internet for the Rasmussen results to see how I stack up against the rest of America.

Watch your right flank, Rick...

2011-07-13T15:31:00.001-05:00

I access the Talking Points Memo political blog on my Facebook page, which is where I came across this update on the GOP polls in Iowa. Bachmann is the clear front-runner in this poll, which makes me wonder about Iowa. Other than the fact they grow a lot of corn there, is there any reason we couldn't just convert that state into a huge toxic waste dump or nuclear testing site ? The bottom line: The Rickster better shit or get off the pot, because the one with the crazy eyes is about to crowd him out of the picture in Iowa.

What America needs...

2011-07-05T21:10:00.001-05:00

What America needs is a whole lot more Republicans like David Brooks, and almost none like Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, and Sarah Palin (and all the Republicans who think one of those three should be the next president).

Wisdom regarding nature

2011-06-30T10:16:00.001-05:00

I'm with Linus on this one. I've spent all the time in the boonies I plan to spend, and if I never sleep on the ground again, it'll be too soon to suit me. From here on out, I'm a middle-of-the-sidewalk kinda guy.

Bosses

2011-06-18T15:03:00.002-05:00

Many married guys don't really understand chain of command issues at home. During my career in the welfare bureaucracy, my immediate supervisor was usually female, or if male, HIS boss was a woman. Women were well-represented in the administrative hierarchy, and I didn't have any problems with it. The worst boss I ever had was a man and the two best ones were women. And so it goes...

Wishful Thinking

2011-06-15T23:06:00.004-05:00

In a perfect world, Jon Huntsman would be the LEAST impressive Republican candidate for president instead of the MOST impressive.

It's too soon to form solid opinions, but for my money as of right now, Huntsman looks like the Republican I could possibly stomach in small doses for four long years. Mittens would be a distant second, only because I hope that once he was elected, he'd stop pretending to be a right-wing asshole. Again, that's wishful thinking. Pawlenty trails Romney and would be my third choice by default.

Bachmann, Gingrich, Santorum, Ron Paul, Perry if he runs, and Palin if she runs ? They belong behind the walls of a detention facility somewhere in Idaho, not in the White House. In a perfect world, I'd have the power to put 'em there. Still more wishful thinking. Herman the pizza guy ? There aren't enough black voters in the whole party to make him anything greater than the Republican version of Al Sharpton.

Smartass

2011-06-11T23:37:00.007-05:00

Rick Perry is more of a diva than I realized, considering the "Will he ? Won't he ?" game he's playing with the news media. An article in the Austin newspaper suggests he's an arrogant fuck, too, and believes none of the usual rules apply to him.

From what I've read, Perry has never lost an election. That speaks volumes about the sorry state of politics in Texas, and how easily the votes of rubes, yahoos, and assholes can be rounded up and cashed in. For the sake of discussion, it would warm my heart for Obama to give Perry the kind of ass-whipping he gave McCain in 2008. The bad news is there are no guarantees that would happen, and the thought of President Perry makes me piss blood as much as the possibility of a President Palin or Bachmann. Maybe even more.

Ayn Rand vs Jesus

2011-06-07T12:14:00.003-05:00

Just finished reading a good editorial in USA Today about the irreconcilable differences between the philosophy of Tea Party heroine Ayn Rand and the principles of Christianity. Conservative Republicans like Paul Ryan and Ron Paul use references to Rand's books to support their arguments in favor of slashing federal spending, and geezers at tea party rallies have been photographed carrying posters with allusions to her character John Galt.

I'm not a fan of Ayn Rand, and I've never read her books. From what I understand, her recurring themes would appeal to people whose outlook on life can be summed up like this: I've got mine, go fuck yourself. As for the contradictions between Rand and the Bible, I doubt most RWers have read more than the Cliffs Notes versions of either one.

What's in a name ?

2011-06-03T17:46:00.005-05:00

The editorial in today's edition of USA Today makes a good point, which is that the influence of the Tea Party movement on the current GOP is forcing all the prospective Republican candidates for the 2012 nomination into ideological straitjackets, resulting in compromise-defeating inflexibility which will make it harder to solve the nation's problems. All the serious possibilities are running around telling anyone who'll listen that they never really meant all those things they said and did prior to the morning of they day they announced they were running. The possibles who meet Tea Party standards of ideological consistency are Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, one of whom is mainly interested in hogging the media spotlight and raking in the moolah hand over fist. In any event, it seems increasingly likely that whoever ends up with the GOP nomination will be a clone of the Palin/Bachmann political monster, or will pretend to be. That's really disgusting and depressing to think about.

The counterpoint to the paper's editorial (The Opposing View) was submitted by former U.S. Representative Dick Armey (R-Texas), who currently serves as chairman for an outfit called FreedomWorks. Armey and FreedomWorks are often referred to as the organizational forces behind the Tea Party, meaning what we have is Dick Armey and his dick army. In the future, I plan to use the terms Tea Party and Dick Army interchangeably.

Recollections

2011-05-23T18:18:00.004-05:00

In this strip, Charlie speaks for the me that was. The me that occupied space and consumed oxygen while being invisible ca. 1956-1965. I needed somebody like Linus to be patient and understanding, but there was a shortage of shoulders to cry on back in those days.

He's In

2011-05-13T23:48:00.002-05:00

We can all breathe a sigh of relief now that the announcement has been made. The Newter has confirmed he's running, and the Republican Party has the fresh new face and the exciting new ideas they need to turn the Black House White again. Can I get three hearty cheers and an amen ?

A thousand words ? Really ?

2011-05-06T17:18:00.002-05:00

After reading letters to the editor in USA Today and some online newspapers, I learned the hot topic today is Obama's decision not to release postmortem photographs of Osama bin Laden. I personally thought it was a good call -- people who are still unconvinced would think the pictures were faked anyway, and why give people who want to blow shit up another excuse to do it ? And think about this: Osama wasn't much to look at on his best day, smiling and posing for the camera. Why would he be more photogenic with a chunk of his skull missing ?

No matter, though. There are apparently ghouls who want to see the death photos, and are pissing and moaning because they won't be able to check 'em out. Sick.

Fast Guns

2011-05-01T23:21:00.001-05:00

When I was an adolescent, I had a recurring fantasy. In this particular daydream, I'd happen onto a situation where a bad guy was threatening a group of people, including several pretty young women. I'd quietly come up behind the villain, pull out a pistol, and put an end to the threat. As a result, I was treated like a hero and the pretty girls gazed at me with longing in their eyes. It was a pleasant daydream but eventually I outgrew it, sometime during high school as I recall.

Judging from online comments I've been reading, there are apparently adult males in Texas who dream of someday proving their heroism by busting a cap into some lunatic. These guys surface whenever the topic of concealed handgun licenses comes up, and though they never address it directly, I suspect thoughts of pretty girls and adoring gazes are always on their minds.

The race is on...

2011-04-24T12:13:00.004-05:00

Charles Krauthammer, normally unreadable, handicaps the field for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. If I'm reading his odds correctly, he likes plenty of Pawlenty. Probably likes Mittens even better -- if it weren't for his public health care record. Unlike the rest of the chattering class, says The Haircut has no chance (zero, zip, nil, nada). Where's Palin ? Probably cheerleading from the sidelines, says the hammer, who also proclaims Rep. Paul Ryan the de factor leader of the GOP now.

More catfighting

2011-04-21T17:41:00.006-05:00

According to the newspaper, Hucklebuck and Glenn Beck are getting into a spat. Beck called Huck a "progressive" because Huck found things to like about the First Lady's anti-obesity campaign. Among Fox News talking heads, being pinned with the "progressive" label is worse than being called a motherfucker -- much, much worse. Huck has actually sacrificed and lost a lot of blubber, unlike Glenn Beck who carries extra fat in his face, around his waist, and an emergency stash between his ears. Guys like Beck end up making guys like Hucklebuck look better than they really are.

Capitol city comedy

2011-04-15T18:10:00.005-05:00

The legislature has apparently realized they were depressing hell out of most Texans with their dicking around in Austin, so they quit messing with stuff like education funding and voter ID laws, and got down to some serious legislating. The decision to eliminate slower speed limits at night is brilliant, and should have been implemented sooner. The reason Texas is struggling with its budget is simple to explain: too many goddamned poor people. We need to encourage the worthless, non-productive bastards to get on the highway in their rusty, rattletrap jalopies with the bald tires, worn-out brakes, and shot suspensions and drive like fucking maniacs. That should help to thin the goddamned herd.

Then if fewer people are breaking the speed limit, we can cut back on traffic cops and highway patrol troopers. Plus, faster driving day and night should stimulate the demand for gasoline and raise prices to the point the oil companies can turn a little profit for a change and boost the economy. I'm telling you, it's a fucking no-brainer and the Rep who wrote the bill should get a raise.

Talk is cheap

2011-04-11T10:33:00.003-05:00

Just what the world has been waiting for: the official reaction of the prospective candidates for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination to last week's congressional budget deal. Bachmann is the only one who actually gets to vote on federal legislation, and Barbour is the only other one currently occupying an elected office. I'm not sure what the rest of them do for a living.

For our own good

2011-04-08T10:27:00.000-05:00

I would have preferred that Michele Bachmann use the editorial page space provided by USA Today to give us a thorough rundown of all the specific budget cuts in the House bill, instead of rehashing the deficiencies of the Democrats and assuring us that the GOP is gonna make everything all better.

Fantasies

2011-04-02T16:26:00.008-05:00

Right-wing extremists believe that everything Obama does is WRONG. Left-wing extremists believe that everything Obama does is WRONG. Who said Americans couldn't unite in brotherhood in the common cause of shared anger ?

The president's latest foreign policy decisions have conservatives grinning about a possibility that Democrats are so disenchanted with Obama they'll support a challenger in the Democratic primaries next year. That's the kind of play that would be typical of numbskull Democrats, and would virtually guarantee Obama's defeat in November.

Even without a challenge from his left, conservatives are convinced Obama has disillusioned liberals to such an extent that they'll just sit out the election. Republicans aren't the wisest owls on the limb, though. There's a good chance they'll nominate this bimbo or someone equally repugnant, causing Democrats to turn out in record numbers.

A boy and his dog

2011-03-28T11:55:00.000-05:00

Usually my life resembles Charlie Brown's, but sometimes I feel more Linus.

Ladies and gentlemen, forming in the north end zone...

2011-03-24T23:21:00.003-05:00

The best website in the world for political comments that make me laugh out loud is wonkette.com. The stuff that gets tagged onto any item about Michele Bachmann is priceless.

So far, the Republicans who appear to be seriously running for the 2010 presidential nomination: Bachmann, Palin, Gingrich, Pawlenty, and probably Mormon Mitt. On the sidelines, acting coy and playing hard-to-get: Hucklebuck, Don (The Haircut) Trump, and Haley (Fat Boy) Barbour. Out of that collection of miscreants, Mormon Mitt and maybe Pawlenty look like the sane ones. Unfortunately, they'll have to pretend to be sociopaths to win the nomination, as Ace McCain did in 2008.

One thing is certain: Those early Republican primary debates will be must-see TV.

At bat, the guy from Minnesota

2011-03-21T23:51:00.002-05:00

We had a president named Jimmy, and now we have one named Barack. So why not a guy named Tim ? I propose the following campaign slogan: "What America needs is plenty of Pawlenty."

I don't know anything about Tim but in March of 2007, I didn't know anything about Sarah Palin either. God, I hope Tim doesn't suck as much as she does.

A little good news for a change

2011-03-16T20:26:00.003-05:00

According to Talking Points Memo, the new Republican governor of Ohio, John Kasich, is fading fast. TPM says Ohioans are having a bad case of buyer's remorse. Also according to TPM, a new poll shows that Sarah Palin's popularity among Republicans is tanking -- nearly forty percent of self-identified Republicans polled view her unfavorably. If her unfavorables are that high among members of her own tribe, maybe she'd better hang on to her day job as a TV bimbo.

And the hits just keep on comin'...

2011-03-12T00:01:00.000-06:00

As a retired former public servant, things like this article in The American Prospect make my blood run cold. In the new world the Republicans are hell-bent on creating, it'll obviously be every man for himself.

Catfight

2011-03-08T10:38:00.001-06:00

Donald Trump exchanges slaps with Lamar Alexander in a spat over credentials and accomplishments. The Donald is pondering a run for the presidency, and why not ? He's a better prospect than Gingrich, Barbour and Palin... and at least as good as Mittens.

Added 10:44 am, same day: God save us all, Bachmann is now talking about joining the race. Trump looks better all the time.

Trickling down

2011-03-05T10:16:00.002-06:00

On Fox News, Newt Gingrich says Obama wants to redistribute wealth and he (Newt) wants to create it. Newt wants to create wealth for himself of course, but the other people he wants to create wealth for already have it and are sitting on it.

Help me get his boots, T.C.

2011-03-01T19:38:00.002-06:00

This was a better America when Strother Martin was still making Sam Peckinpah movies. They're both gone now, and things have been headed downhill ever since they cashed out their chips.

Dixie

2011-02-25T00:01:00.005-06:00

Among the states of the former Confederacy, I've always thought of Mississippi and Alabama as the true armpits of the deep South, followed closely by Louisiana. I've often wondered if suicide might be preferable to residing in Mississippi or Alabama.

Compared to Ole Miss and 'Bama, I rated Georgia in a different class. Hell, I don't know why. I guess Atlanta always seemed urbane since they had a pro football team. Mississippi always seemed like a place where clean overalls and a cap with a NASCAR logo qualified as a fashion statement, and all my impressions of Alabama were formed years ago during the civil rights movement. The University of Georgia has an English bulldog as its mascot, and those are my favorite dogs. Rather than condemn the whole southern region as a shithole swarming with toothless, illiterate, inbred fucks, I made an exception in Georgia's case.

Today I came across this story about some cracker in the Georgia legislature who's proposing a law that could potentially make women who experience miscarriages subject to felony charges. That sounds even dumber than most of the stuff that comes out of Austin, and blows my whole fucking theory about the relative sophistication of Georgia.

Added 8:48 am, same day: More proof that I had Georgia rated much too high. And now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure "Deliverance" was set in Georgia.

Horse Manure

2011-02-22T23:31:00.003-06:00

"The most powerful special interests in America today are the government unions," (Mitch) Daniels told NPR's Diane Rehm this week. (Quotation courtesy of Talking Points Memo)

Mitch Daniels is governor of Iowa and sympathizes with Wisconsin's governor, Scott Walker. This remark is the kind of fucking nonsense Republicans say all the time, and the goddamned news media people let them get away with it. And this being America, half the people will believe it after they hear it on TV a few times. I have yet to see Congress or the White House contemplating a federal bailout of a public employee union, or approving massive annual subsidies comparable to those handed over to the agricultural monoliths.

Things that annoy me (continued)

2011-02-15T23:42:00.001-06:00

America is the best country on earth, but there are things about it that aren't so great. One is that a majority of American adults can be convinced anything is true if they hear it repeated often enough on television.

Sunday morning dawdling

2011-02-13T12:48:00.004-06:00

After skimming the news in the weekend edition of USA Today, I have a few things rattling around in the back of my mind.

First: If a business or other corporate organization downsizes its labor force, then sees an increase in productivity and profits, where is the incentive to expand its workforce ? Someone needs to explain this to me, because I'm missing something.

Second: The reason the Republican Party is politically formidable is because Republicans always find a way to march in lockstep. Democrats, on the other hand, always splinter into factions that work against each other and reduce the party's ability to accomplish anything. I'm wondering if the Tea Party's influence among Republicans will have the same effect as the Blue Dogs had on Democrats from 2008-2010.

Added 2:22 pm on Monday 14 February:

More about the fun-and-games on the right.

Axioms

2011-02-09T15:13:00.001-06:00

American Political Axiom Number 46: The more money an entity spends on lobbying for deregulation, the greater the probability that the entity needs stricter regulation.

Union busters

2011-02-03T23:04:00.002-06:00

Jeb Bush and Newt Gingrich have offered this editorial in the LA Times. As could be expected, these two are selling the idea that nearly all the financial problems states are experiencing can be blamed on public employee unions and sweet retirement plans they force on state governments. Since I'm a retired state employee who was never a union member, this commentary was of interest to me. The main conclusion I draw from it is that under no circumstances should Jeb Bush or Newt Gingrich ever be elected to public office again.

Faulty Wiring and Symbolic Gestures

2011-01-30T12:41:00.010-06:00

As a rule, right-wingers aren't wired correctly and they're getting creepier. For about twenty years, their primary motivation has been fear. In fact, I'm convinced the whole Tea Party movement grew out of the sudden realization that Ns were running loose in the White House. That was too much change and too scary for people who label themselves as 'conservative.'

In places where right-wingers make up the political majority, like Texas and the U.S. House of Representatives, we'll apparently be seeing a lot of time wasted on symbolic gestures like voter ID laws that won't solve any problems but will appeal to gullible voters who worry about Mexicans taking over. The following excerpt from a reader comment says it all:

"If our government fails to protect our borders and our lives, then aren't we allowed as citizens to protect, in every remaining legal way possible, our voting rights and other eroding freedoms and benefits ?"

Golden Rule

2011-01-24T14:27:00.003-06:00

In Texas, the version of The Golden Rule that usually applies is the one that says those who have most of the gold get to make all the rules. If anyone doubts that, they need to watch the state legislature balance the budget this session.

Auburn 22, Oregon 19

2011-01-11T00:45:00.004-06:00

Over the years I've observed that Heisman Trophy winners often follow that achievement with a loss in the subsequent bowl game, and that BCS national championship games often fail to measure up to pre-game hype and expectations. Tonight, Auburn and Oregon played in the BCS title game, with Auburn winning on a literal last-second FG. Final score 22-19. Cam Newton overcame the so-called Heisman Jinx, and the game was exciting with several bizarre plays influencing the outcome. All in all, the game was a satisfactory finale to a season that I found to be more interesting than anticipated.

True Grit

2011-01-06T10:15:00.007-06:00

When I was a kid, I enjoyed John Wayne movies like The Alamo, The Horse Soldiers and The Comancheros, and it was only after I was well into my teenaged years that I decided Duke Wayne movies were actually pretty formulaic, even corny sometimes. I rarely watch them now when they turn up on TCM.

The Duke Wayne movie that held up for me over the years was True Grit, for which Duke captured his lone acting Oscar. Even Glen Campbell, who was a good singer and a poor actor, couldn't ruin that movie with his anachronistic haircut.

A few years ago, I read the novel by Charles Portis that was the basis for the original movie. When I learned that Joel and Ethan Coen were filming their version and that it would be faithful to the book, I immediately made seeing their True Grit a priority for the Christmas season. I'm pleased to write that as much as I've enjoyed watching and re-watching the 1969 True Grit, the 2010 True Grit is a superior movie in every way. When the Academy Award nominations are announced, True Grit should be be included in several categories, and will deserve to win 'em all.

Holiday cheer from the energy sector

2010-12-10T09:27:00.012-06:00

Here's some news that'll brighten your holidays. Gasoline prices normally start falling around Christmas, but this year they're expected to soar past the three dollar per gallon mark. Excuse me, but weren't the elections in November supposed to signal the beginning of good times in America ?

Bowl Season Bummer

2010-12-06T18:09:00.003-06:00

The official bowl game schedule was released today, and I've had a chance to survey the situation. TAMU goes to the Cotton Bowl to play LSU, a 10-2 team from the SEC, and as I expected, the Aggies drew easily the toughest opponent of any Big 12 team playing in a bowl game this year. In fact, there's a good chance the conference will go 7-1 in bowl games, with the lone defeat coming in the Cotton Bowl.

Here's a look at the other seven Big 12 bowl teams and their opponents:

Missouri faces Iowa, normally a tough Big 10 team but a lackluster 7-5 this year, and losers of their last three games. Baylor gets to play Illinois, at 6-6 just slightly better than Big 10 doormat status. Oklahoma State should put 40 points on Arizona, a 7-5 team from the Pac-10 conference that lost four consecutive games to finish the season. Kansas State plays Syracuse, still another 7-5 team that lost three of its last four games.

Nebraska, loser of the Big 12 championship game, faces Washington (6-6), a team they already beat 56-21 in September. Texas Tech goes against Northwestern (7-5), also losers of three of their last four games. Oklahoma, winner of the Big 12, is matched in the Fiesta Bowl with Connecticut (8-4). If there was any justice, OU would be playing LSU and the Aggies would be playing Connecticut.

Bowling

2010-11-30T18:16:00.008-06:00

Apparently it's official, since the Austin American Statesman is carrying the story tonight. The Aggies have been selected to represent the Big 12 conference in the Cotton Bowl. There are two downsides to this choice: First, the game will be carried on TV by Fox, and second, the opponent will be an SEC team yet to be designated. The possibilities seem to be LSU, Alabama, or Arkansas. The Aggies have already had two tall drinks of Arkansas in 2009 and earlier this season, and don't need another one so soon. LSU might be a notch or two out of their league, so that leaves Alabama. I've seen the Tide a few times this year, and of the three, they look like the team that TAMU would best match up with.

Hubris in Austin

2010-11-23T19:21:00.011-06:00

I made my first visit in several years to the football chatroom at hornfans.com tonight. While the Aggies were bottom-feeding and the longhorns were soaring far above them, I really had no desire to read their commentary. As a subcategory of humankind, longhorn fans are some of the most repulsive people on earth. The only thing worse than your typical everyday hornfan is a conservative Republican hornfan.

The horns are 5-6 and have been stomped on their home field four times this year. But they won a huge victory last Saturday. Okay, it was only some podunk lower-tier Florida school, but by God, the horns hung 50-something on 'em. For one Saturday, the magic was back. And apparently so is the hubris. I was amazed by the number of comments predicting the horns would win Thursday night. Of course, four would've been three too many. Giving credit where it's due, there are a number of chastened hornfans who are showing a little humility, but I can tell it's not coming easy for them.

The bottom line: The Aggies are on the ascent, the horns are on the descent, and if TAMU is ever going to win a Thursday night game in Austin, this is the year to do it. I'm getting tense and it's only Tuesday. By Thursday at 6:00 pm, I should be a nervous wreck.

Moping

2010-11-10T13:20:00.005-06:00

Charlie Brown might not have been the spokesman for an entire generation, but he definitely spoke for me when I was young and dealing with unrequited love on a daily basis.

Too little, too late

2010-11-08T23:30:00.001-06:00

Wade Phillips, son of Bum, has been given his walking papers and won't be coaching the Dallas Cowboys next week. As ineffective as Wade has been, especially this season, he isn't the real problem behind the long-term decline in Dallas. The real problem is the guy who hired him. I've decided that Dallas is never going to amount to jack shit until Jerry Jones limits himself to signing the checks and hires competent people to manage the team.

That ain't happening, which is why I haven't seen a Cowboy game start to finish since Parcells was coaching them, and precious few even then.

What the future may hold

2010-11-06T15:20:00.002-05:00

Pollster John Zogby offers this pre-election analysis and it makes more sense to me than most of the mind-clutter I've read online.

Meltdowns

2010-10-31T23:33:00.000-05:00

After reading some of the reader comments following articles in the Austin American Statesman about Baylor's upset win over Texas last night, I was reminded of the comments by AAS readers after Texas beat Southern Cal to win their national championship. Those arrogant fucks were on top of the world then, and I said to myself, "Live it up, you assholes. Nothing lasts forever and this, too, shall pass."

In college football, nobody stays on top forever. Ask Florida State, Notre Dame, Michigan, Miami, Nebraska, Penn State, and about a dozen other schools who at one time or another were considered to be the cream of the crop. Three years ago USC looked like the team of the century, then Reggie Bush happened.

So man up, longhorns, and quit your bitching. Just hope that you won't ever be looking back and thinking about the good old days when 4-4 would've been a pretty good record to have.

Reason Number 148,662

2010-10-21T12:50:00.001-05:00

As if there weren't many other reasons, shit like this explains why Texas needs to say goodbye to Ricardo Perry and send him back to Gooberville to find a real job. Since much of my retirement comfort is based on a healthy Texas TRS, I don't need the hair god and his campaign contributors fucking around with it. Any retired teacher who votes for that bozo needs a psychiatric examination. The sad thing is that there enough conservative idiots in this state to keep Perry in office until old age finally gets him.

Back-to-back

2010-10-02T18:15:00.004-05:00

Had the house to myself today, and decided to spend the afternoon watching the big Red River Shootout, which I expected would be more interesting after Texas got wiped out by UCLA last Saturday. Today, Oklahoma started like a house on fire and had a 14-0 lead in the first quarter before Texas had achieved a single first down. It was 21-7 at halftime, with the longhorns getting their only score on one long TD run (about 60 yards).

Things cooled off in the second half, and OU could never seem to put the game comfortably out of reach. The final score was 28-20, but the sooners were only able to win because the horns insisted on beating themselves with penalties and turnovers. All in all, the game wasn't as one-sided as I had hoped it would be; the longhorns lost, but weren't humiliated and disgraced. One of the announcers said this was the first time Texas has lost back-to-back games since Mack Brown came aboard. Can that be true ? If it is, could it be significant at all ? We'll see.

Added 6:50 pm, Sunday, October 3rd: Apparently the announcer was wrong or I misunderstood him, since the longhorns have lost back-to-back games under The Mack in earlier seasons. But they have dropped out of the AP Top 25 for the first time in ten years. In a perfect world, this would be the beginning of their long, slow decline into the depths of mediocrity.

Planting Schedule

2010-09-12T12:55:00.005-05:00

Have you ever felt as if you were being pushed to the outer edges of your own life ?

When it comes to overnight guests, my comfort level starts waning at hour 20 and is exhausted at the 24 hour mark. By hour 26, the seeds of anxiety have been planted, followed by the seeds of discomfort at hour 32. The seeds of resentment are planted at hour 36, and start growing at an exponential rate at about hour 48. By hour 52, I begin to think my breaking point is in sight, and I start counting the minutes until I'll get some relief. I've never been pushed to hour 72, and I don't really want to think about what the crop would be like past that point.

Get Low

2010-08-27T23:01:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago, Mrs. bee heard an interview with Robert Duvall on NPR in which he talked about his new movie Get Low. She told me that she needed to see it when it came to town. After a limited release in July, Get Low made it to the boonies today, so this was a matinee afternoon for the bees.

I was a Robert Duvall fan for many years, but cooled off on him when I read that he was a rightwinger. Fortunately, he keeps his political views to himself, unlike Jon Voight. At any rate, I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing Get Low until I learned that Bill Murray and Sissy Spacek also had featured roles.

The movie takes place in the depression era, and is apparently loosely based on actual events. The last movie I saw, Inception, was major summer eye candy, and Get Low is a totally different kind of film, the kind that's usually nominated for acting awards. Lucas Black, who was outstanding as the boy who befriends Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade, is now a grown man and has a significant share of Get Low's screen time, too. Bottom line: I enjoyed this movie much more than I expected I would, and recommend it to anyone who appreciates intelligent films with subtle performances. Rating = 8.0

Rage

2010-08-16T22:49:00.002-05:00

I've given the matter careful consideration, and I've decided that conservatives are the angriest people in America. Conservatism as a political philosophy only appeals to people who are mad all the time. There's nothing in it to attract people who are happy about most things and like their lives. Listen to AM talk radio any time and all you'll hear is bitch, bitch, bitch; whine, whine, whine. Conservative leaders understand that anger is the only thing that motivates their followers, so every day they toss out something new to stir up the rage. There are probably a few right-wingers who can get through the day without foaming at the mouth over something, but they're few and far between.

The late Gene Pitney

2010-07-31T17:21:00.007-05:00

In the late fifties and early sixties, I went through what seemed like an endless string of crushes. Girls I knew at school, at church, or who were the daughters of my dad's friends -- I fell madly in love with them, but most of them never acknowledged my existence. As soon as I started getting over one huge crush, I'd fall deeply in love with a new girl who didn't know I was alive, or care.

Those hours spent moping over unrequited love needed a soundtrack, and my background music was played on AM radio and performed by singers like Gene Pitney. This song, True Love Never Runs Smooth, accompanied one particularly painful heartbreak, and whenever I hear the song, I still think about the girl.

Doormats

2010-07-27T17:34:00.003-05:00

If this doormat is actually for sale anywhere, I'd really love to get one as a Christmas present this year.

People who need to go away, part one

2010-07-14T14:16:00.004-05:00

Now and then some conservative pundit will get it right. There are many things America doesn't need right now, and Newt Gingrich as a presidential candidate is somewhere in the top fifty, maybe even higher.

Added 2:20 pm, same day: And while I'm on the subject of people who just need to go away, here's Kathleen Parker getting all gooey over the queen mother of the mooseburger movement.

Hasta la vista, baby

2010-07-04T22:58:00.001-05:00

The definitive Arnold Schwarzenegger movie performance was his portrayal of the terminator in the film of the same name. He was a weapon of mass destruction and indestructible himself. Now he's working his magic on the state employees in California. Having been a state employee myself for much of my life, I completely understand their predicament: unappreciated when they do their jobs well, and despised by the public when they don't. Of course, in Texas they don't pay their state employees nearly as well as they do in California. If they cut every public employee in Texas back to minimum wage, it wouldn't make much of a dent in the budget deficit. But get used to things like this if the teapeople ever take control of the government.

Nightmare

2010-06-27T09:09:00.003-05:00

Here's your Republican ticket for the 2012 presidential election. It would be wise to find a tall building to leap from now, ahead of the crowds.

Kids these days

2010-06-22T10:04:00.001-05:00

Once a man's children have reached age thirty, if they do what he wishes they would do at least fifty percent of the time, he probably raised them properly. At least I hope that's an accurate conclusion.

Barton

2010-06-19T12:36:00.002-05:00

There are plenty of disgusting conservatives like George W. Bush, Karl Rove, Tom DeLay, Pete Sessions and Rick Perry identified with Texas, and it's easy for a turd like Joe Barton to get lost in the crowd. Maybe that's why Barton appealed to British Petroleum for forgiveness after the company was ripped off by the hoodlums in the White House. If he was craving attention, Joe picked a good way to get it.

Metaphors in the funny papers

2010-06-15T08:22:00.004-05:00

This could easily be a metaphor for Texas University football fans and their baby, the Big 12 Minus Two, aka the Mack-10 conference.

Longhorns screw things up again

2010-06-14T17:35:00.000-05:00

This is not the news I was hoping to see this afternoon. If the report is accurate, Texas may be on the verge of abandoning its plans to move west, which would theoretically stop the dominoes from falling... at least for the time being. The Big 12 conference has become a fucking bore as far as I'm concerned. I hate Texas U and don't have much use for Oklahoma either, but those two own the conference and keep passing the championship back and forth between them. The North was feeble before Colorado and Nebraska vacated, and is now totally pathetic. If the Big 12 survives, I'll continue to be a fan of the SEC and the Pac-10, watch the SEC games that are available on TV, and ignore the Big 12.

Don't get mad... get even

2010-06-13T13:02:00.000-05:00

Hell hath no fury like a Texas Christian scorned. Baylor may be reminded soon that payback is hell.

Meddling

2010-06-12T13:23:00.000-05:00

Oh hell yeah, that's just what the situation requires: hands-on intervention by Rick Perry. I often agree with editorials in the Houston Chronicle, but not this time. Their solution to the game of musical chairs in college football is to maintain the Big 12 conference by moving Oklahoma and Okie State into the North to replace Colorado and Nebraska, then add TCU and UH to the South to replace the Oklahoma schools. What that leaves is a glorified version of the old SWC, with Texas U continuing to dominate since they probably wouldn't play both OU and OSU every year. My suggestion to Rick Perry: Let it alone, haircut. You can only mess things up even more than they already are.