Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Getting down to the newt-cuttin'

There's growing consensus on political blogs that we should start taking Newter seriously as a candidate (and possibly the next president). This seemed impossible to imagine for me as recently as a few months ago, but people who blog for reasons other than to kill time are convincing me that I was wrong. Real wrong.

Since the beginning of the 2012 presidential election campaign, I thought Mittenful was the Republican most likely to beat Obama, assuming he could win the nomination. My personal preference was Huntsman, mainly because he'd served in Obama's administration and seemed thoughtful and intelligent (unlike all the other fuckwads running). I knew, though, that Huntsman was just killing time, the way I'm killing time as I type this. Republicans aren't looking for thoughtful and intelligent this year.

I assumed if Perrito got into the race, he'd be the top challenger to Mittens and might even win the hearts of enough typical GOP yahoos to steal the nomination. I believed that -- until his fuckups started piling up so rapidly that even rubes tuned him out.

I can't take Pie Daddy seriously because I believe Obama will probably be our last black president for awhile, and I'm still amazed that he has any traction at all in his party. I put Sugar Cain in the same category as The Other Rick, Pappy Ron Paul, and Moochele: people who are in the race because their egos made them delusional. I didn't assign Newter a grade that would equal Bachmann's (an F minus), but assumed his history of cheating on his wives would keep him in the middle of the pack at best.

The success of Pie Daddy and Newter proves that Republicans despise Mormon Mitt and don't really give a shit about the morality of other Republicans. All that fucking crap about the sanctity of marriage and family values ? Just more of their ridiculous bullshit.

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Dedicated to Jim Ferguson. If you don't know who Jim Ferguson is, you (a) haven't seen The Missouri Breaks, or (b) have an inadequate ability to fully assimilate movie trivia.